So if you have been reading my blog at all you know that Ive attracted some real weirdos - click here to catch up and and here...
Anyway so I got to thinking about all my past relationships & dates and I started thinking am I too picky??? Is it just me??? But as I listed off things that turned me off these guys I realized their behavior still disgusted me enough to know I had valid reasons to dump YO ass...
Ive put together a TRUE list of reasons to get Yo ass dumped based on all the men in my past...
- You use the washroom and DON'T wash your hands... didn't your mother ever teach you good hygiene?? ew I dont care if you didnt touch your willie wash your god damn hands!!!
- You spit in public every 2 minutes leaving behind a huge wad of spit on the sidewalk, subway or mall floor... spitting is just nasty save that shit for when you are alone behind closed doors like your bathroom... and no I don't care if you are a smoker and "need" to spit its still nast!
- You lie over and over about why you cant drive so I have to drive your ass around forever... I later found out he lied and didnt even have a god damn drivers license!
- You ASK for money for half the bill on the first date.... I always offer but don't ask that's just not classy!
- You cry like a baby, so much so that I cant even cry anymore because well... someone has to have balls in this relationship!
- You borrow my car, break my rear view mirror, act like nothing happened, don't say sorry and then wonder WHY I don't want to talk to you...
- You are ridiculously afraid of ANY animal to the point where you push me in front of a pouncing dog just so it wont get you.... I understand some ppl are a wee bit afraid of some animals but making sure I get attacked first is grounds for dumpsville....
- You "borrow" money with zero intention of ever paying me back.. why not just treat me as your sugar mama then? at least this way there is no awkwardness of payback
- You feed your big slobbery dog peanuts from your hand and then reach back into the bag and not only feed yourself with the same slobbery hand but try to feed me too... oh HELL no
- You get into a heated argument with my girlfriends upon meeting them for the first time even though you know you are wrong... Yeah good first impression buddy!
- You refuse to even come out with me and my friends... I'm not asking for your company all the time but I'm a social butterfly and wont date someone who refuses to mingle with my friends at all!
- You assume its ok to crash at my place every freakin night just because I live alone...
- You stop taking me out once I allow you to see my place.... why would we go out when she has her own place and we can just chill here 24/7.... living alone has really been less than ideal for my dating life
- You bitch about driving 20 minutes to pick me up at my place and insist I meet you half way all the time
- You walk 10 feet ahead of me and then let the door slam in my face because you aren't gentleman enough to hold the damn door..
- You don't see why pissing in an alley not once but twice on our first date is a big deal..
- You also don't see why asking complete strangers to touch MY boobs isn't funny!
so lets hear em ladies & gents... what are YOUR "reasons to get Yo ass dumped??? "
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23 COMMENTS:
Holy crap. These things really happened??
You are NOT too picky.
Unlucky as hell? Definitely.
hummm....lets see. You pay for everything in the beginning of our relationship like any respectable man would do then get to comfortable and have me pay for everything later because your dumbass can't keep a job. Also your car is not reliable so you have me drive your ass everywhere with out you paying for a drop of gas...hell to the no. Girl, I can go on and on as well.
I wont respond to every single one of your points, but each one made me laugh. No you're not too picky. not too picky at all.
Aww man I don't miss those days one bit! too funny!
You my dear are NOT too picky!
Mein Gott! Some of those are just plain ridiculous. Okay, nevermind, all of those things are just plain ridiculous. I can fully claim to have never done any of these things (Except maybe the crying thing sometimes, but that's another story, I mean, like, have you seen "Wings Of The Dove?" Srsly! *cough*).
But, um, yeah. Boys are stupid. And even if you find a guy who doesn't do any of these things, you'll still find stuff that will drive you up a wall. Because boys are stupid. I would apologize for my entire species, but boys don't apologize. :)
You have had some craaaaazy run-ins with the hair-brained species... Feeding you with doggie hands.. eeewww!!!
Wow, you've had quite some experiences. At least you can go back and laugh about them now since they make for such funny stories!
OMG the spitting thing drives me crazy too. Also, if you find an excuse to tell me your yearly salary on a first date, you are obviously way too into yourself. This happened to me once. A guy picked me up at my apartment and we drove 10 minutes to get drinks...had NEVER met face to face once before...and on that 10 minute drive he managed to tell me his annual income. Like I'm glad you've got a job and all but seriously. Thanks for assuming I'm a gold digging retard!!!!
Wow.
Ummm...
ALL of that.
Definitely not too picky, holy crap.
I started a whole list of what I don't want, etc, but it's all complicated.
Being married (or gay!) is on my list... Sucks that is has to be, but it sounds like we've both dated, ahem... unfortunate people. :)
So. Did he touch them or what?
Sorry. I am a guy after all.
But what if you have to pee really, really badly and there is only an alley?
still not ok?
damn.
Ah man...this list covers about 89% of the buttholes I dated, too.
you are too funny!!
a few of these are my biggest pet peeves ... spitting ... GROSS!! and one of mine is DO NOT tickle me if you we are on a first date. grrrrr .......
the last two just make me giggle from the bad night you had with that guy!
@ Bitchalina - dude not liking that at all!
@peterdewolf - Yes these things REALLY happened... unlucky would be the word!
@Kris - thank god you got outta that huh sounds like a winner like the men i date lol
@ - Life in a cube - ya i had a guy do a 180 on me like that 2.. sucks but this is why we arent with them i guess
@toughgirl101 - yeah they do seem really funny looking back lol.. and thanks for confirming im not too picky ;)
@bon don - i cant wait till the day i can say that too ;)
@bicthalina - hehe its ok ive been thinking about it too i could add to the list but i wont!
@The Loss Adjuster - agreed boys are stupid! ;)
@Endless Randomness - yeah that really grossed me out i think i puked a lil in my mouth lol
@lifeintheleftlane - yup i can totally laugh at them now because im out of them but really did i really have to go through it all?!!!
@amy - um yeah that was a bit weird.. self centered much!
@jenbun - oh yeah being married is totally on the must dump list... i havent had any experiences with this yet ... but theres always next week lol
@surviving myself - lol HELL no thats my NO ZONE man! no one gives anyone permission to touch my babies but ME!
@matt - NEVER ok... never!
@Muffy Willowbrook - lol i like how its 89% not 90% haha yeah guys are dumb
@Born with a big mouth! - oh yes tickling... if you see i cant breathe please stop lol...
Love the poster lmao
Soap,
You are sooo not picky! Its great to be picky. I just can't believe how many different kinds of douchebags are out there!! WOw!! Keep up the good work!
Whoa.. I can honestly and proudly say that I haven't and would never be dumped for any of these. LOL!! Great stuff here at your blog, thanks for swingin' by mine today!!
I cannot believe someone peed outside TWICE on a first date- LOL
ROFL !! funny!
i don't think anyone should let a door go into anyones face esp if they are walking behind them... significant partner or not...
you're crazy dude. u have bad taste in men. no offense. i have horrendous taste in women so i'm no better.
nice post :-)
this list is hilarious. if you wrote all of them in detailed stories and publish the book, i'll be your first fan. btw, it also sounds great for tv show screenplay.
Pretty ridiculous...do all of these men have other traits in common.. like wearing a loin cloth and swinging from a vine? Idiots.
And once you get all that ish sorted out can you come solve my dating problems? I just need to know how as a 20 something to stop going after 30-40 somethings. They may know what they want and be able to handle my loud mouth but they got baggage!
Not fair.
Picky?!No way.
Are those...are those REAL?!
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